


The High-Conflict Couple

by nagi_schwarz



Series: Read My Lips [10]
Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: AU, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-19
Updated: 2016-03-19
Packaged: 2018-05-27 17:24:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6293242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nagi_schwarz/pseuds/nagi_schwarz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for the comment_fic prompt: <i>Stargate Atlantis, John Sheppard/Rodney McKay, The High-Conflict Couple.</i> Evan Lorne: Air Force Major, interpreter, and Couples Counselor.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The High-Conflict Couple

"Zelenka for Lorne."  
  
Evan was jolted out of his nap. It was his Sunday. He was supposed to be sleeping. Rodney and John were also on their Sunday. They didn't need him for dates anymore. It must have been an emergency.  
  
He scooped up his earpiece. "Go for Lorne."  
  
"We need you in the lab immediately."  
  
Evan was thankfully still fully dressed, so he yanked on his shoes and tore out of his quarters and for the nearest transporter. He was at the lab in under a minute.  
  
And what he saw was...chaos. The scientists had formed a ring, hovering nervously on the edges of the lab as far as they could get from the hurricane in the middle of the room. The hurricane that was Rodney screaming at the top of his lungs, hands flying faster than Evan had ever seen them – hey, he was getting pretty good at this signing thing – and John, also signing at lightning speed. They were talking over each other and interspersing their signs with rude gestures that required no translation. Occasionally they pointed at one of the whiteboards, which was full of mathematical formulae that had been crossed out and corrected – or solved? – and there was a bunch of profanity written around some of the crossings-out too.  
  
"I – do you need me to translate?" Evan asked helplessly.  
  
Zelenka, who was cowering behind Kusanagi (pointless, she was a head shorter than him), piped up with, "We need you to stop them."  
  
Evan started toward them, stomped hard on the ground.  
  
They flipped him off in unison without even looking away from each other and kept right on fighting. Best as Evan could tell, their dispute was about one of John's calculations in relation to some of the math Rodney had been developing while he was trying to Ascend. Rodney insisted, as the almost-Ascended being, he knew the math best, but John was insisting that now that Rodney was back to normal John was the one who grasped the math best. Rodney thought, using his own calculations, he'd come up with a way to recharge a ZPM. John was convinced his plan would blow up Atlantis. Both refused to admit the other was right or that they were wrong.  
  
"I'm an interpreter, not a marriage counselor," Evan protested to Zelenka in a low voice.  
  
"You need to do something," Zelenka insisted.  
  
Evan sighed. He knew Atlantis was a strange place, that it bent the rules of what was normal, and the truth of it was, John and Rodney were both his friends, whether he wanted to admit it or not. So he marched over to Rodney's desk, dug around in one of the drawers, and came up with the little Crown Royal bag Rodney got refilled every year. Evan snatched one of the arcade tokens out of it – the silver coin had a clown face on it, which made Evan shudder – and stomped over to John. John flipped him off again.  
  
Evan held out the coin.  
  
John paused, stared at it.  
  
Evan said, "Take it."  
  
John blinked, looked around him, and saw the other scientists cowering on the edges of the room.  
  
Rodney was still blustering on, hands flying, red-faced, hair mussed. He looked every inch the mad scientist. John plucked the coin off of Evan's palm, took two steps forward, cupped Rodney's face in his hands, and kissed him.  
  
Rodney made a muffled sound of protest, but then he closed his eyes, leaned into the kiss. All the tension drained out of his body.  
  
All of the other scientists looked away pointedly. One of them was even whistling.  
  
When John finally pulled back, he mouthed something to Rodney, who nodded and also stepped back, tugged at his collar.  
  
"Right," Rodney said, signing for John's benefit. It was almost second nature to him now. Evan was pleased. "Let's take a ten minute break –"  
  
John raised his eyebrows.  
  
"Thirty minute break," Rodney said, "and we'll resume discussion in a more calm, peaceful manner." Then he grabbed John by the wrist and dragged him to the nearest transporter.  
  
As soon as they were gone, everyone in the room breathed a collective sigh of relief.

"Thank you," Zelenka said to Evan.  
  
"Welcome. Only I thought today was their Sunday."  
  
"Yes," Zelenka said. "They like to work on Rodney's near-Ascended math for fun."  
  
Evan groaned. "Right. Those two need hobbies besides math and sex. I'm going back to bed, okay? And they next time they do that, you know where the coins are."  
  
When the next shipment on the Daedalus arrived, the Airmen who were unloading the gear were very curious about the crate full of arcade tokens that came with it.


End file.
